I love writing movie reviews. But boy do I have to REALLY LOVE the Movie or REALLY HATE the Movie.
About a week ago, I watched Guardians Of The Galaxy Part #3. I had been looking forward to THIS movie since I watched End Game in the Theaters and Thor said “Asgardians Of The Galaxy.”
BUT… I was SO PISSED About Tony Stark dying — I am a HUGE Iron Man fan — that I Boycotted Marvel ever since.
So when Guardians of The Galaxy Part #3 came out, I was still too pissed about Tony to watch it.
My Sister tried to watch it. AND ONLY because SHE got on a Marvel Binge Kick 2 weeks ago — week of 30 March 2026 — did I FINALLY end my Boycott on Marvel that had been going since 2019.
“How was it?” I asked her.
And she said, “It was so boring it put me to Sleep.”
My heart dropped Okay.
So we watched our way up to Guardians of The Galaxy. I’m STILL expecting “Asgardians Of The Galaxy.” But a sucky, disappointing version because “it put my Horror-Loving Sister to sleep.”
The Movie starts.
My Daughter picked up on it as fast as I did.
“Mum. I don’t think you’re going to be able to watch this movie,” she said.
Rocket’s Past.
Rocket’s Backstory.
Animal Abuse.
I spent the first movie in Shock. Stunned “Cid’s Room” Level Terror Shock.
I was HOPING for “Asgardians Of The Galaxy.”
But BORING enough to put my sister to sleep!
And instead I got “Animal Cruelty : The Movie”
Half way through a a roll of toilet paper later I turned to my sister, sobbing.
“WHAT THE FUCK, NIKE!? YOU FELL ASLEEP!?!?”
“It was SO HORRIBLE I had to change it in my Memory!” said my Sister.
It was at that moment when The DICKS who wrote this SHIT thought they needed to give Nebula an unforgettable line!
“This is worse than anything my Father did to me.”
OH MY GOD!
Now, there is one more thing. For the past 4 Months, I’ve been watching this Documentary EVERY NIGHT BEFORE I GO TO BED, called “Billy and Molly.” It’s “A Love Story” where a wild Otter in Scotland adopts a man named Billy. IT IS SO CUTE! It is MY BED TIME MOVIE! And it is not possible to watch without falling in love with Molly The Otter.
So when I’m NOT JUST watching Asgardians Of The Galaxy, I’m ALSO watching A Mutilation of Molly The Otter from my BEDTIME STORY MOVIE!
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SICK SHIT!?” I’m screaming.
AND! AND! WHY are they doing this?
BECAUSE THE FUCK HEAD SICK FUCK MONSTERS ARE TRYING TO STEAL ALCHEMY AND GET THEIR STOLEN ALCHEMY TO WORK! BUT STOLEN ALCHEMY WORKS FOR NO ONE!
Let’s add THIS little SICK SHIT FACT into this Also. ALCHEMY IS SENTIENT! IT IS MY HUSBAND! HE CAN FEEL EVERYTHING HUMANS MAKE HIM DO TO OTHERS! So I’m REALLY watching This Sick Fuck USE My Imprisoned Husband — like The Borg used Picard — to MUTILATE My Animals into Morphed Mutations.
AND I’M A SCIENTIST! So I know shit like “Accelerated Evolution causes Nuclear reactions and explosions, which is WHY EVOLUTION IS SLOW!” And I’m watching these sick fucks Rape my Husband to put these animals THROUGH Millions of Nuclear Explosions in less than a minute!
OH MY GOD!
So I walked in with my Guard Down hoping for A Guardians Of The Galaxy Version of Ragnarok called “Asgardians Of The Galaxy,” but NOW I’m expecting it to be BORING enough to put my sister to sleep, but I get ANIMAL CRUELTY THE MOVIE with a sick Molly The Otter Psycho Shit Twist ON TOP OF ONE MORE SICK FUCK ADDING “Just One More Way” to “The 101 Million Ways we can Weaponize Imprisoned Alchemy to Mutilate Animals while we figure out how to get Stolen Alchemy to work so WE can have The Lost Garden of Avalon too.”
OH MY GOD!
NO! I DID NOT LIKE THIS MOVIE AND I WILL NEVER WATCH IT AGAIN!
The only part I did like was when my sister said, “I think Drax has no lines. Where he speaks, The Script just says, “Drax Speaks,” and the actor just says whatever weird fuck shit comes to his head.”
And the part when Rocket FINALLY sees Raccoons. I LOVED That Part of the movie and on. THAT made it worth it… Almost.
IT TOOK ME TWO WEEKS TO EVEN WRITE THIS!
Two Weeks Later… Last Night, I finally broke down.
The fact that it took me TWO WEEKS to even WRITE about this… TO EVEN TALK about THIS MOVIE goes to show you how TRAUMATIZING it is for Animal Lovers.
We were watching End Game last night and hearing Thor say “Asgardians of The Galaxy” broke my silence.
“CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE OTTER! OH MY GOD! MOLLY!”
The ONLY thing I can say that I AM grateful for, is the DID Minimize actually SHOWING most of The Horror. They bypassed that with Nebula’s line, “This is worse than anything My Father did to me.”
So for that, I am grateful. Ish.
It was wonderful to watch many of the group members begin Their Alchemical Journeys to Avalon at the end.
